I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
