So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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