she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
