I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i think i just lost a toe
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
