I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
