I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
