he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
