my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
