At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
