He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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