so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
