pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
