Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
