doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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