She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
