I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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