Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
