I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
