When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Soap is not a condiment
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize