what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would ride that face into the sunset
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
