I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
