let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
