There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Who died my cat blue again?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
