i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize