So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
