I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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