I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
