see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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