i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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