Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
