remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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