WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
