God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
