This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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