why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
