I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
