my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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