I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
