Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
