babies were throwing up all over the place
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
