Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
