I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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