I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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