Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
