I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
