I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
