So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
