Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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