I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
