so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A+ Viking dick
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
