Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
