Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
