If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
