she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
