everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
