I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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