I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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