we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
