you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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