FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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