By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
