i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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