That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
