So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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