I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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