he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
These tits shall not be calmed
I had to cum in my sink.
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