All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
